WEIRDLAND: Jake and Reese's London Let

Monday, February 09, 2009

Jake and Reese's London Let

LESSEES: Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon
LOCATION: Notting Hill, London
PRICE: £4,000 per week
SIZE: 1,996 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: A simply beautiful period house which has undergone a comprehensive and exacting refurbishment programme. Benefiting from wonderful entertaining space over two floors and sumptuous bedroom accommodation this stunning property also boasts a charming private terrace. 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, reception, kitchen/dining room, terrace.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Over the weekend Your Mama received a kindly communique from a helpful Briton we'll call Glenn Givesitup who generously hooked us over to a recent article from the Homes and Property section of the Evening Standard in which a dee-lishusly loose lipped estate estate agent revealed that American super stars Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal have leased a London love nest to the tune of £4,000. That's four thousand bloody British Pounds per week children.According to the wonderfully indiscreet estate agent–who reportedly represents the property which is listed for sale at £2,795,000–the owner of the Victorian era house in the natty Knotting Hill area was thrilled when the well paid American actors turned up waving wads of dollar bills shouting, "Gimme, gimme, gimme."
The lower floor has an excessively glossy, almost mirror-like floor that looks reflective enough to expose the naughty bits of skirted ladees and gentlemen. The decently sized dining area is being aesthetically abused by a glass topped table, eight dining room chairs being choked by white slip covers and a little little fixture stuck to the ceiling that is both too small for the room and, rather upsettingly, not located over the center of the table. The dining area is open to the sleek and efficient looking kitchen which features a narrow work island, some shiny white cabinets that match the glimmering floor, and a breakfast area with a barely there round glass table surrounded a set of four Philippe Starck Victoria Ghost Chairs. This all looks rather sexy (if a bit 1970s), but Your Mama would not want to be navigating that part of the house in the dim light of dawn after a long night of gin and tonics with divalicious drag star Lily Savage because we would surely be injured by that transparent arrangement of glass and plastic masquerading as a dinette set.The private quarters include a full floor master suite which stretches the entire length of the house from front to back and includes a clean lined en suite with beautiful wood accents, and large, lovely and, thankfully, frosted arched window and some sort of fancy square terlit that we're sure cost nearly as much as a Mini Cooper. The top floor is accessed by a claustrophobic's nightmare of a staircase and features a windowless bedroom and en suite that are both, thankfully, ventilated and lit by several skylights.

The talkative estate agent did not reveal how long the Americans will be in residence. Given that the house remains for purchase, it can't be long. Presumably the property will not be shown while the panties and playthings of Oscar winning Ms. Witherspoon and Oscar nominated Mister Gyllenhaal could be peeped by the prying eyes of prospective buyers and aggressively nosy fans who think it might be cute to ring up the estate agent asking for a tour.Back in Tinseltown, Ms. Witherspoon–who is one of the highest paid actresses in Hollywood– and her two children live in a quietly posh guard gated community called Brentwood Circle in, you guessed it, Brentwood, and Mister Brokeback Mountain has long occupied a very private property above Woodrow Wilson Drive in the Hollywood Hills that Your Mama and several of our better connected sources think he leases as opposed to owns.



Gail said...

Oh Thank You Kendra, That was so much fun to read. I love stuff like that. A little more glimpse of our favorite guy. What a place though. Makes my old stone house pale in the light. How wonderful it must be there.

Kendra said...

It's a lot of fun reading about these luxury homes, isn't it?
Sometimes I feel fortunate when I come back home after seeing some immigrants looking for a place in the beach and my brick house looks like a palace for me! My house has only five rooms, so I'm on your level, Gail, very far of Jake & Reese's love nest.

Gail said...

Yes Honey, We must count our blessing. I live near a homeless shelter and I see raggedy people everyday. I am so grateful for all I have. Thanks for keeping up with Jake for us. I really look forward to checking in every day with you.

Kendra said...

thank you very much, Gail!
I really appreciate it ;)

Anonymous said...

Jake Gyllenhaal is a dirty prostitution men!

Kendra said...

why would you say such a horrible thing, anon?